I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
