I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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