Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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