im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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