yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
