I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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