I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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