If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
