So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Blood and glitter go together right?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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