after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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