I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
