Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
