It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
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He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
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Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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