youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
