my mouth tastes like poor choices
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
