I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
