i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize