all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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