Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
