that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
