Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
