The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
i now understand why vodka
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
