We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
