at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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