Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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