we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
