help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
