What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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