I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
