First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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