I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
