Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
