mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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