You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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