You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
