i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
