my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
