The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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