I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize