My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
