I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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