remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
