This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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