Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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