i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
