Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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