how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
