Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Randomize
