After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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