One girl and one boy is just not enough.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
