did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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