No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
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