fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
