Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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