um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
