Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
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You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
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