im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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