Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
