this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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