He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
