Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
