i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
