your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
her facebook's as public as her vagina
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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