I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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