my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
