just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
