i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
